Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
