I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
