can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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