I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
