I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
