I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
