Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
