So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
