nut hugger
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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