like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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