I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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