Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
