things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
