when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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