Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
