hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He shit in the fireplace
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