Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What drink are we having for lunch?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
