It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
