Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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