What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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