If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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