I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
