I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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