She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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