You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Blood and glitter go together right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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