Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
