They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
