the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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