atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
