all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
