There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
His nipple licking is glorious
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