Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
