so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
