How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
