we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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