shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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