just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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