I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
