Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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