Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
