So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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