Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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