There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
