is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
