look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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