# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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