i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
