You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
