i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
