i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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