6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
