can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
