I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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