you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
