Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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