I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize