no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
