you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
