i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
