I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
