Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
