Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
