I want to make a zoo with you.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
