i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
