life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
