ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
