I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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