It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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