Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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