I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
