idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
