I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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