You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
