Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
