Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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