Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
