Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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