I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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