its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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