In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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