he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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